Stealing from Nik

6 05 2013

For some additional reading, I’m going to steal some posts from the brilliant nik karr. I spent a lot of time griping, complaining, sweating, eating, and drinking kava with this guy in our two years in Naviso. So a lot of his descriptions reflect my thoughts and feelings as well.


During a visit to Baitora, South Maewo in June. Fellow PCV Lindsay Templin and I started making jokes about Maewo – focusing on the adage FML (or F@!k my Life)… We then decided to write these down and what started as a funny discussion became a list and that list became in article in the Volunteer newsletter: The VanAmerican. Below is the finished product. While some of these are contextual and probably only funny to those of us on Maewo Island (or maybe just Lindsay and me), I believe some of these FMLs are universal. Enjoy!
Life on Maewo… FML
From the world-weary minds of your favorite Maewo Vols: Lindsay Templin, Nik Karr, and Jennifer Blount
1)      Cow shit!? I… I thought it was a stone! FML.
2)      That looks slippery. That is slippery. There goes my Chinese bag… FML.
3)      Did I just see the sky through my roof? FML.
4)      Why is my white headband yellow? Rats… FML.
5)      Where’s the top of this hill… FML.
6)      Prickly heat… FML.
7)      How’d you lose your boat…? FML.
8)      Plane hasn’t landed in 5 weeks… FML.
9)      Where’s the bottom of this hill… FML.
10)  Crème Biscuits? Those are like Oreos right? FML.
11)  The wind just blew open my toilet door when I was wiping… FML.
12)  Kava… FML.
13)  I know they’re talking about me… What are they saying? FML.
14)  No, the last Volunteer did not speak local language NOMO… FML.
Nik on one of our many cross-island walks

Nik on one of our many cross-island walks

15)  Of course I’m fluent in local language… Stop speaking to me in local language… FML.

16)  Stringband? I’m actually enjoying this… FML.

17)  Why don’t any stores sell toilet paper? FML.
18)  You have a custom leaf for every health problem huh? Why did you want a Health Vol? FML.
19)  Drink tea? Sure! Wait. Where’s the tea? FML.
20)  Can’t leave my house today, trying to charge my solars… FML.
21)   It costs how much to get off Maewo!? FML.
22)  Why is it raining in my house? FML.
23)  Why does this toilet only have one wall? FML.
24)  I’m not so sure about this toilet… I hope these coconut tree stumps don’t fall down… FML.
25)  Why are there bones in my tin fish? FML.
26)  Wan Devil ia… FML.
27)  Why is my house at slant? Is this a joke? There rolls all my stuff… FML.
28)  I have to walk through that to my toilet!? Is it worth it…? FML.
29)  I have to pee sooooo bad… Why does no else ever have to pee? FML.
30)  I got kicked off ‘Team Talk’? No one sells top-up… FML.
31)  I ran out of hot sauce… FML.
32)  When did 72° become cold…? FML.
33)  Was that supposed to be funny? I missed the joke… FML.
34)  What’s that crawling in my roof? FML.
35)  How’d that spider get IN my net? FML.
36)  No, for the last time, I do not have Blue Video… FML.
37)  It’s 3 PM… I don’t think the Morning Community Meeting is happening… FML.
38)  I just walked an hour to get phone reception and my credit expired… FML.
39)  Why are there more babies than adults at my Community Meeting? FML.
40)  My cigarettes, vitamins, sports bras, t-shirts (among other things…) are all moldy… FML.
41)  Pretty sure sitting over this mosquito coil 24/7 is giving me a brain tumor… FML.
42)  Wake up, put on mosquito spray. Swim, put on mosquito spray. Just got bit between the toes… FML.
43)  Roach shit on my toothbrush. Rat shit on my dishes. FML.
44)  I check my mail every 3 – 4 months… FML.
45)  My village compares my “Wokbaot Skills” and “Fit-ness” to Nik – a marathon runner… FML.
46)  Another mosquito bit me on the ass while using the toilet… FML.
47)  It has rained every single day of “dry season”… FML.
48)  Why…? FML.
49)  Just spent a day writing FMLs… FML.
And from the more refined mind of Mister Man Bush Himself Nic Thiltges
50)  God I have to listen to people complain about Maewo, again… FML



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