Actually Celine, I don’t mind being on my own at the moment. To borrow my friend Kid CuDi’s words, “I’m on the persuit of happiness…” and have never felt less alone and more sure of my place in this big, fat world (or in my case, my teensy-weensy island).
When I have the rare opportunity to return to ‘civilization’ (i.e. internet/phone access), I am reminded that life in my Homeland is moving on without me, and after only four months in Vanuatu I have missed some pretty big stuffs.
My best friend is now married and I missed out on the wedding and being there to help her with the final things- like seeing her initial wedding dress she had made that turned out to be no beuno. ☺ My other dear pal I’ve known since childhood is pregnant with her first pikinini who is destined to be a gorgeously brilliant eggplant.
Randy has moved on in his life and is busy turning education-related business ideas in to a reality. He is going to do big ole’ things with his life and I wont be there to support him and cheer him on and give him cookies.
I have no right to ask anyone to put their marriages, baby deliveries, celebrations, or fancy hors d’oeuvres on hold for me. And sometimes these thoughts get me down, but such is the reality of making a 2-year commitment to live an ocean away from my previous life.
HOWEVER…. Let me say that in the past 4 months, I have seen more and been challenged more than I have in years. I have over 20 new friends and feel incredibly fortunate to have been placed in Vanuatu, with an amazingly supportive staff. I know that just a year ago I could not have handled this experience because everyday I am facing new and exciting challenges which are mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting.
My perspective has changed…..
“Gee, what are these mysterious bites on my torso? Eh, might be bed bugs.”
“Roaches in my care package? Move over!! I need my M&M’s!”
“Oh yeah, I have to walk over 4 hours in sometimes knee-high mud and killer hills to get to my site. Guess I’m going to be in shape!”
I admit my thoughts aren’t always glowing with bubbly hope and positivity. The first two weeks at site were rough and full of tears. A lot of this had to do with my house not being ready and I was terrified of using my Apuwoman’s bush toilet.
But my village came together to finish my house. My host papa is AMAZING. He serves as the Chairman of the Education Committee and a community spokesman. My village takes care of me and feeds me (oftentimes obscene amounts of food). I see that I can make small changes in this community and I’m excited to get to work!
Even though my site is one of the remote and hard to get to sites in Vanuatu. Even though I don’t have cell phone reception, internet, running water, or a stove. I wake up every single day proud of myself for toughing my way through the “hard stuff.”
I have come to savor my bucket baths- the one time of day I feel cold. I lose myself for hours at a time weeding my “yard”- a next to impossible task.
I love making my little kustom house and kitchen house all homey. I have time to learn things I might not have made time to before- gardening, the best way to kill ant colonies (pour boiling water over them), baking food over hot stones, mat-weaving, and making flour out of local root crops.
All I really mean to say is that this whole Peace Corps thing- totally worth the wait, long process, and sacrifices I am making to be here. I am a happy camper, even while sweating profusely, wearing sweaty clothes daily, and and eating peanut butter with ants. My hikes and the road at my site make the Greenbelt look like a kiddy-playground. My music is the constant sound of tropical parrots, chickens, geckos/insects singing, and a waterfall and river around my house.
Even now as I sit and write this outside my kitchen house I am reminded of my unique position in the world.
Mr. Pussy curled up at my feet, a mosquito coil burning beside me, flying foxes going from coconut tree to tree around me, while my house glows pink from the disappearing sun. The smell of my dying fire I used to boil water is in the air and now my papa is walking up to hand me dinner- fresh fish that he dove and shot just hours ago.
Yes indeed, this feels right.
(Note: this was written in my blue notebook by hand on January 10th)
